


Beauty Faded

by RadientWings



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-29
Updated: 2014-12-29
Packaged: 2018-03-04 01:01:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2903552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RadientWings/pseuds/RadientWings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In a dark moment, Felicity reminisces about the life she and Oliver shared. Set after 3x08.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Beauty Faded

**Author's Note:**

> As it says in the summary, this is set after 3x08, however it was written before 3x09 aired so it has no references to the events of that episode.

_Life is beautiful._  Felicity had always known this, known it to the very depths of her soul. Though she'd been through her fair share of tough times, had seen more than most would in their lifetimes, that opinion, that  _fact_ , had never changed.

She supposed she wasn't like Oliver in that regard; it was just another of their many differences. Where Oliver's experiences forever weighed down on him, shadowing his every move, Felicity's had built her up into who she was today. That's not to say everything that had happened to him wasn't a part of him, that it hadn't affected him and the person that he had become over the years… But his experiences… Felicity thought they were a lot like his scars… painful reminders of things he'd rather forget. Both were, of course, intertwined – after all he'd gotten his extensive scars from  _somewhere_ ; but the  _experience_ of them reached much deeper. And Oliver had been changed irrevocably by it all; he'd been completely shattered by it all and was still picking up the pieces, years later.

Felicity, on the other hand, had never been broken so completely, had never lost herself so utterly. Sure, there were things that had hurt her. Her father leaving, Cooper's betrayal, Sara's death… even Oliver. But she had been able to hold onto her beliefs; it was the one thing that kept her together.

Oliver had lost his faith in life, Felicity's had only become stronger.  _Life is beautiful_.

Since she'd discovered this difference between the two of them, it had become Felicity's purpose to change it, to make Oliver appreciate what he had now rather than linger on what he had lost. Before, he had been strangely innocent, she thought. Despite his playboy tendencies and his less than angelic behavior, he had never seen real cruelty until the island and beyond. Felicity had been exposed to such things much earlier, though in a much less shocking way.

And, because of that, Felicity knew that in spite of the importance of her 'mission' she couldn't let her entire life revolve around it. She knew that if she allowed one person so much control over her that she'd lose her own faith in her philosophy. And she knew that the minute she stopped believing that life is beautiful no matter what, she'd lose the person she was, cheesy as it all sounded.

But, hey, Felicity's name did mean happiness and she would continue to spread that around in order to honor it.

She also knew, though, that people had to accept happiness. So when Oliver, who she was so horribly in love with, gave her maybes, she let go. She couldn't live like that.

But, when he finally discovered his own worth and when he finally realized that maybe he deserved more than just the Arrow… When he finally,  _finally_  found his yes, Felicity didn't hold back.

* * *

" _Do you… You're being serious right? You're not going to change your mind tomorrow? Because, Oliver, if you think you can do that to me, you are_ so  _wrong; I would assume you respect me more than that. I mean, after all we've been through this better not be another mayb-" Felicity's increasingly upset ramblings were cut off by a pair of surprisingly gentle lips over hers, an action that had been performed mere moments before when Oliver had stormed in the 'Arrow Cave', as she had officially dubbed it, in full the green uniform, a look of absolute determination on his face. She felt his calloused hands hold her face lightly between them, her body being pressed into the cold metal table behind her. Her mind was all aflutter, his earlier words floating through her head in wispy bits, Oliver having said something along the lines of 'I love you and I can't deny my happiness anymore'._

_Felicity's initial doubts seemed to just drain away as she clenched her hands in the front of his suit, one eventually travelling up his chest to push back his heavy green hood and yank his mask down. As she felt his arm shift to snake tightly around her waist, she leaned into him, letting him support her._

_After an eternity, a very enjoyable one at that, he pulled back from her, much to her displeasure. Fortunately for him, he didn't pull away from anything but her lips, still holding her crushingly close; if he'd done anything more she might've had a few choice words for him. As it was, Oliver leaned his forehead against hers, quirking a small, achingly genuine smile at her._

" _I meant what I said, Felicity. I_ love _you and I won't back away from it." He told her softly, eyes piercing into her. His fingers drew soft circles onto her cheek as he spoke his next words. "Did I ever tell you that I only started laughing again after I met you? You're the one that showed me there's more to life than this cave." He swallowed, his voice quieting to a murmur. "You're the one, Felicity."_

_Felicity found there was only one appropriate response to his confession. She lifted herself to her tippy toes and her lips collided with his, her arms winding tightly around his neck. She crushed their bodies together, not allowing an inch of space between them. Oliver was only too happy to comply, holding her like he never wanted to let go again._

_When she did allow a little room between them, it was only so she could say 'I love you too'. As soon as the words were out of her mouth she pressed it firmly back against his. Her mind was a blissfully silent that night. Though, she did wake up with a single the next morning._

Life is beautiful.

* * *

And it had been. For so long. Despite the danger of the Arrow and their nightly activities (not  _those_  kind, the ones of the vigilante nature), they were happy. So, so happy.

* * *

" _Could you guys, like maybe hold_ back _on the PDA during Arrow time? Seriously, it's making me sick." Roy complained as he dropped in a chair after another long night of dispensing the city's justice on the criminal underground. He groaned in annoyance and fake disgust as Felicity purposefully pressed another long 'thank god you're okay' kiss to Oliver's lips in response to his comment._

_Finally the two separated, though only enough so that Oliver could sit down too, Felicity perching on the sidearm of his chair, her arm lying across his shoulders to keep balance, fingers playing with the edge of his green hood._

" _I really don't think that's going to happen any time soon, man." Diggle commented dryly watching his teammates and friends with a critical eye, scanning the other two men subtly for any injury._

" _Dig's right, Roy." Oliver agreed, cracking a smile despite his exhaustion. "You'll just have to man up."_

" _Good advice, oh wise teacher." Felicity teased with a small laugh. Oliver simply raised an eyebrow in her direction, though his eyes shined with amusement and fondness._

_Satisfied that everyone seemed ok, Diggle stood up, smiling in their general direction. "Well, I don't know about you guys, but I'm beat. Come on Roy, I can give you a ride home." He said before waving goodbye to the oblivious pair on the chair. Roy shrugged and followed him out._

" _Another Tuesday in Starling City, bad guys caught, the Arrow looking half dead on his feet." Felicity said softly from her perch beside Oliver. "You really should stop over-exhausting yourself like this, you know."_

" _Maybe." He agreed, before suddenly pulling her sideways into his lap. She let out a very unflattering squeak of surprise, her arms flying around his neck as he let out an amused laugh. He'd been doing that more and more lately, laughing and smiling. "Or maybe someone should stop keeping me up so late." He told her lowly, his eyes burning into her now that their faces were bare inches apart._

_Felicity felt herself blush, as she always did when Oliver showed her this side of himself. He just half-smiled in response before giving her a brief but thorough kiss. She smiled as he sighed tiredly, pressing his face into the side of her neck as he leaned his head onto her shoulder, effectively folding himself around her._

_She smiled, resting her head atop his, carding her fingers gently through his hair. "Let's go home." She suggested softly. He nodded, pressing a sweet kiss to her throat before standing up still swiftly with her still in his arms. This time Felicity managed to suppress the squeak that threatened to escape her with the sudden movement._

" _I have legs, you know." She protested, her cheeks warming as he simply shifted her closer against her, still holding her with ease as he headed to the door._

_Oliver smirked, "I know."_

_Felicity huffed, crossing her arms over her chest. "Well, if you_ know _, would you quit with the shows of strength, I already know you have abs and arms of steel. Why else would you constantly put yourself through the torture of the salmon ladder? Not that I'm complaining or anything. Not everyone gets to see their boyfriend so deliciously shirtless while on the job but it can get seriously distracting sometimes, you know? I just start thinking about other things, things that should not be thought about when hacking the FBI database and then I can't stop thinking about it and it's just-"_

" _Felicity." Oliver interrupted her ramble._

" _Sorry." She reddened. "Shutting up now."_

_He just smiled and finally set her down on her feet. As soon as she was steady, he leaned close to her ear. "You're going to have to tell me what exactly those thoughts are sometime." By now tomato red, Felicity could only watch open-mouthed as Oliver went to change out of all the green leather._

_Oh she was_ so _getting him back for that… but maybe after she fulfilled some of those daydreams she'd been having so frequently._

* * *

" _God, Oliver, not everything I do is about_ you! _I know you hate it when I put myself in danger, or_ whatever _, but I couldn't just let John get hurt! He's my friend,_ our _friend." Felicity exclaimed in anger, shaking her head. This was not the first time they'd had an argument along these lines and, she was sure, not the last either._

" _I know that!" Oliver replied vehemently, eyes flashing as he stepped even closer to her, a towering form above her. She didn't shrink away as any lesser man or woman might have. Instead she just crossed her arms and just glared right back. "But that doesn't mean you have to go flinging yourself at his attacker! That's my job,_ not _yours!"_

" _Your job? It's just as much mine as yours! You're not the only one who wants to protect the people he loves, ok? I have that right as well, and you can't keep trying to take that away from me!"_

" _Felicity, I know you want to help, I_ know  _that. But you won't help anyone by getting hurt! Can't you see that?" The frustration was clear in his voice._

_Felicity knew that Oliver wasn't completely wrong in his wishes to keep her safe and out of the action. But, that wasn't the way she wanted to live life. She didn't want to be kept in a metaphorical padded room, no matter what comforts that may hold. She wouldn't be held back in the sidelines, especially not when those closest to her were in danger._

_So she shook her head and took a deep breath, trying to stay calm. Her voice was soft and understanding as she spoke her next words. "What I see, Oliver, is that you're so afraid of losing me that you won't let me do my part. This is my life." She gently reminded him, allowing her hands to rest against his chest as she leant slightly against him. She saw him clench his jaw, eyes clouded with doubt and fear as they look stubbornly over her head. To think, there had been a time when she was convinced that Oliver wasn't afraid of anything. How wrong she was. "I'm not going to stop." She said, firmly._

_He sighed, finally allowing his gaze to connect with hers. He raised his hand to gently cup her cheek, his expression showing his concern, but also his reluctant acceptance of the situation. "I know." He murmured. "I know. You wouldn't be you otherwise."_

_Despite the fact that they had been arguing mere moments before, Felicity smiled and leaned her forehead into Oliver's chest as he wrapped his arms tightly around her, relieved she was safe, at least for the moment. She snuggled close, her own relief that he too was unharmed rushing through her._

_It was hard sometimes, to do what they did. It was hard knowing that you were never completely safe, that there was another monster around the corner waiting to attack._

_But there was no doubt in Felicity's mind that it was worth it._

* * *

" _I'm proud of you, you know. You did it. You rebuilt Queen Consolidated from the ground up." Felicity told Oliver with a small smile, standing in her customary place by his side. She looked around at the all the guests milling around Queen Mansion's gigantic parlor; this was yet another thing he had managed to reacquire through a lot of hard work and effort... something that the media had thought Oliver Queen incapable of. But like Barry had once told him, he could inspire people as Oliver Queen in a way he couldn't as the Arrow. So why not fight their battle from two fronts?_

_Her smile widened when he took her hand, threading his fingers through hers in a silent 'thank you'._

" _There you guys are! Took you two long enough to get to your own party!" Thea said by way of greeting, sidling up to them, looking every inch a Queen._

" _Well, we can't let them think I've_ completely _changed." Oliver commented dryly, eyebrow quirking._

" _Whatever. You better stay for the rest of the party though, after all the planning I put into it." The brunette said with a roll of her eyes._

" _The planning I_ hired _you to do." He replied pointedly._

" _Well, not everyone's CEO of a huge company." Thea ducked closer and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Congratulations by the way, big brother."_

" _Thanks, Speedy." He said, smiling down at his sister._

" _I really need a new nickname." She muttered before suddenly turning to Felicity and pulling the other woman into a tight hug. As the blonde wrapped her arms around her pseudo-sister in surprise, the youngest Queen spoke softly into her ear. "He couldn't have done it without you, I hope you know that. Thank you." Then in typical Thea fashion, she was gone as swiftly as she'd appeared, slipping unseen into the crowd._

_Felicity smiled, shaking her head, and looked up at Oliver. "I think it's time for a dance."_

* * *

_Felicity's heels clicked loudly against the tiled floors of Queen Consolidated as she headed down the long hall to the CEO's office, her tablet sitting comfortably in her arms as she ran through today's stock numbers. (This was something she never imagined herself doing_ ever _, but alas when one was romantically involved with the head of a multi-billion dollar company, one had to make sacrifices.) As she continued confidently on her way, she heard several employees talking, their words barely filtering to her ears._

" _So, Newbie, this is the top level of the QC, and one you probably won't ever see again. This floor is only for the highest execs." One man was boisterously saying as he led a new hire on the standard tour. "Any questions or you ready to get to it?"_

" _Who's the hot blonde and where can I get her number?" She heard 'Newbie' ask in reply a moment later as she breezed past, feeling his eyes on her. She also felt a number of other people were staring at her, though she was trying to ignore it._

" _Don't even think about it, man; that's Mr. Queen's squeeze and the head of technology, Felicity Smoak." The other employee replied in what she assumed he thought was a 'hushed' tone. She barely held back an eye roll, choosing to just let it slide. She had an appointment to keep, after all._

 _Finally at the telltale glass door of the CEO's office, she walked in without bothering to knock. She saw Oliver's smile from where he was seated behind his desk, quickly murmuring a few words into his phone before hanging up. He was on his feet in the next second and coming around to her. When he swiftly pulled her into a rather heated and probably 'inappropriate for the work space' kiss, Felicity felt herself start, not expecting it. But she smiled and leaned into him; even now, she was still constantly surprised at their relationship and the fact that it was actually_ working _. Not that she had thought it wouldn't, but even she was prone to doubts. That was in part why it pleased her to no end that they could just kiss each other spontaneously and not worry about any consequences but a good time; the other part was definitely that it_ was _a good time… a_ very _good time. A few moments later Oliver pulled away from her lips, to her discontent. He smiled and pushed an unruly strand of golden hair behind her ear._

" _Hey." He said in greeting, giving no explanation for the kiss. Not that she need any, really. She wanted to know what she did so she could do it again to get that response._

" _Hey." She smiled in return, giving him another swift peck before sinking back down from her tippy toes and firmly back onto her feet. "So, apparently, I'm your squeeze." She told him._

" _My squeeze? I thought you were my fiancé." Oliver replied in mock confusion, wearing a wide, genuine smile that would not have been seen on his face only a few years prior. He glanced at the ring on her finger._

" _I can't be both?" Felicity shot back with a laugh, playing along. "Well, are you still going to take your squeeze slash fiancé out to lunch? Because, you know having so many titles really takes it out of a girl. Not to mention our nightly activities are also exhausting so I could really use the break…" She teased, but suddenly blushed when she saw the smirk on Oliver's face and realized how those words could be taken. "Not_ those _kind of nightly activities. Not that those kind of nightly activities aren't enjoyable, in fact, I wish we could have more of them, because I mean, why not? And, you know,_ wow _. Ok, please let me stop talking now and just take me out to lunch. Right now."_

" _Of course." Oliver finally said, breaking through her embarrassing ramble. "I'm willing to go with the other stuff too." He continued, clearly amused by her word vomit issue even a couple years into their relationship._

" _Oh my God, just get me out of here before I say something else that I really shouldn't." She said, her face hot as she allowed herself to be dragged against Oliver's side as he put his arm around her and guided her out of his office._

_She had to admit, the eyes that focused on her this time around didn't really bother her as much as before. People could think what they wanted about her life; she knew who she was._

* * *

Things had been good, happy, perfect in an imperfect kind of way. Maybe it wasn't exactly the life she'd always dreamt of having as a child, and maybe she didn't have the white picket fence, apple pie kind of life, but her life was a damn good one anyways. Her life, she knew, had the kind of depth that few people managed to achieve.

Even despite the constant cruelty she was being exposed to, the horrible truths she knew that were otherwise hidden in shadow, she was happy. And so was Oliver.

They spent their days trying to make the world a better place from behind expensive desks in a skyscraper, enjoying their rare days off in each other's blissful company. Their nights they spent fighting off the crime that threatened to overwhelm Starling City, one bad guy at a time.

So when a new menace that had an unhealthy love for knives came to town, Felicity thought it was just another day in Starling. Neither her nor Oliver expected him to find out who exactly was hiding under the hood of the Arrow. She certainly didn't expect him to bring a pack of goons into Queen Mansion and attack them.

" _Felicity_!" Oliver shouted as he threw a vicious punch at one of their adversaries, knocking him unceremoniously to the ground. "Call Roy and Dig – get them here!"

She nodded, diving for the phone that was on the small table beside the sofa, where they had been curled up only a few minutes before, watching a movie. She dialed John on autopilot, quickly relaying Oliver's instructions when he picked up. As soon as that was done, Felicity scanned the room, examining the situation as Oliver had taught her to do.

For the most part, he seemed to be taking care of things in a savagely efficient manner, bodies dropping unconscious left and right. But even she could see there were too many of them. Thinking quickly, she grabbed one of the heavy decorative vases they had lying around. As yet another goon made to attack Oliver from behind she shattered it over his head, instantly sending him crashing to the ground. She felt another of the masked men grab her arm and she allowed him to turn her to him, using the extra momentum to her advantage as she sent her fist flying into his face. She tried not to linger on the sudden stinging ache in her hand, knowing she couldn't give the man time to recover if she were to take him down. Channeling Oliver and John's self defense lessons, and a few more taught to her by the Lance sisters, she kneed him where it hurt,  _hard_. She didn't celebrate her triumph though, immediately turning to look for Oliver.

Her heart nearly stopped at what she saw. Several men were still converging on him, but that isn't what terrified her. Rather it was the man who stood back and watched it all, a cruel and calculating gleam in his eye, one hand casually twirling a wicked looking knife. Felicity watched as he approached the fighting slowly, deliberately, a hunter to his prey. He brushed past his fallen men, barely batting an eye, solely focused on his goal.

Felicity had this horrible sinking feeling that his goal was a deadly one, one that might shatter her world as she knew it if she let it happen.

The man lifted his knife.

_No._

_No, I can't let this happen…_

_No!_

Felicity barely felt her legs start moving, barely heard herself scream Oliver's name as she saw the glinting blade head for his back.

All she knew is that she simply  _reacted_ , jumping in front of Oliver pushing him out of the way. She barely felt the knife sliding through her ribcage, looking down in shock to see the handle sticking out of her chest, her white pajama shirt quickly staining a mocking red. Her knees buckled from underneath her and she collapsed helplessly to the floor, unable to process what was happening.

" _Felicity!"_  She heard an anguished shout and then the thud of another body hitting the floor, knocked out.

The next thing she knew she was being pulled from the ground and into achingly familiar arms.

They wrapped around her, a comfort in the dark, and she heard  _his_ voice. "Felicity, no, no." The words seemed distant as if they were being spoken right next to her, about her. "Felicity, look at me,  _please_ look at me." She managed to move her gaze from the harsh image of the knife sticking out of her chest and into familiar blue eyes. "You're going to be fine, Dig and Roy will be here soon. Just keep looking at me, ok?" Oliver told her, an uncharacteristic break in his voice, suddenly seeming more childlike than in the entire time she'd known him.

 _Odd_ , she found herself idly thinking, the shock still coursing through her veins, along with the pain radiating from her chest.

She could vaguely make out his anguished face above her, his normally tanned skin pale and bruised, blood dripping from his brow. He was shaking her slightly now, yelling at her to keep her eyes, to just for the love of god keep them open. He looked like he was in pain, so much pain…

But he was alive, beautifully, blessedly  _alive_.

 _He survived_.

And she found that there was beauty in surviving.

 _Hell_ , Felicity thought as her vision began to fade,  _there's even beauty in dying_.

 _Oh, it sucks. It sucks and is completely and totally unfair. And I wish I had more time. I want scream and beg for_ more _. But I won't get any._ She knew this, in the slow seconds it took her to realize what was going to happen. It was sick, twisted clarity she was suddenly gifted with.

If there is one thing that dying gives you, it's honesty, she found out in the few short yet incredibly long moments leading up to her death. You can cut through all the crap and get right to the heart of things. You know that life isn't about what you wear or that they mixed up your coffee order. That it isn't about that guy who wouldn't dance with you in seventh grade, or the girl who called you ugly. That stuff doesn't really matter.

It's about the things that make you happy, the things that are important. It's about the things that made you laugh, and the things that just fill your heart with that kind clichéd joy you only read about in books. Like the people that you care for and that truly cared for you. Like her mom. Like Dig and Roy and Sara and Barry and even Laurel.

Like Oliver. Like Oliver who was there even when he said he wouldn't be. Like Oliver who always complimented what she wore, and who always remembered how she liked her coffee… and who'd danced with her and never once called her ugly. Like Oliver who fought for what he believed in and who loved her with so much of himself that it both overwhelmed and flattered her. So much so that they sometimes argued, fought like the best of them, but that ultimately, they couldn't be without each other.

And as her vision left completely, her mind was filled with the beautiful images of the life she'd been living. She saw her friends, she saw her family, but most of all she saw Oliver.

So, yes, life was beautiful. Beautiful in a way nothing else would ever,  _could_  ever be. Because, it was all encompassing, nothing could exist without it. No pain, no hardship, no happiness, no laughter.

 _Life is beautiful,_ she thought once more, feeling Oliver's hand in hers,  _it's just a shame I won't see more of it._


End file.
